A not so happy update...

It has been almost 2 months since my last post.  I wish I could say I lost 20 lbs since then, but I would be lying.  The fact of the matter is that I haven't weighed myself in over a month.  I've probably gained weight. 

Yesterday was an all time low point.  So much so in fact that I burst into tears in front of a boat load of people at work.  My outburst wasn't weight related (I'm not that narcissistic) but a combination of my being sick for 4 days, having a migraine, stressed about money, having a fat day, and getting a phone call from my mother right before work that she was rushed by ambulance to the ER yet again due to heart problems.  Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like climbing under a rock and hiding for the rest of the year.  Nothing could keep the tears back and it was like a flood gate had been opened ALL DAY LONG.

So now that I'm utterly embarrassed, I face the daunting task of interfacing with these people today, and avoiding their questions and concerned looks.  Ughhhh...  I should add that this has never happened to me before.  I'm a bit ashamed that it had to happen at work.  My friend is trying to assure me that it happens to everyone, and that I'm only human.  I'm still humiliated.

via

Anyhoo...A friend suggested that I get on an anxiety medicine like xanex.  I don't agree.  It's not often that all of these things collide together at once.

I figure that the combination of self pity and stress is dragging me into a pit of despair and only I can drag my ass out.  Things can always be worse and I need to remember this.

So I need to stop indulging in sweets and fatty foods.  I was doing so well and slowly have been reintroducing the bad things back into my diet.  I had stopped drinking soda, and now it's back.  I had stopped drinking milk, now it's back.  I was eating salad everyday, that has stopped.  Today I need to stop all the bad habits, start exercising again, and just say NO!

This place can hold me accountable.  I can jot down all of my thoughts and send it out into this huge void.   Today is a new day.

Well hello again...

So I've been on a little hiatus from the computer, but now I'm back...and ready to type my life away.  How has my little "changed way of eating" been going?  Fantastic!  Yes!  To my utter amazement I have been sticking with this...

Let me just say that fully surrendering myself to prayer and devotion has helped TREMENDOUSLY.  My husband and I have been doing this together and although there are times that I want to strangle him for cheating, it's fun to actually do something, just me and him.

Everyone at work seems to be on a health kick and some of my closest friends are challenging each other to a good old game of "who can lose the most ? in two weeks".  The winner has to treat the others to lunch.  I opted out of the game because I don't think that it's long enough and I don't really care for the reward.  It seems silly to reward hard work with food.

I had all of my inches and pounds logged on a notebook so I could track my progress.  I woke yesterday searching all over the house for it, and I still haven't found it.  I had a melt down and threw some expletives out there for the world to hear (have I mentioned that this lack of sugar and salt has me a little cranky?).  So luckily I had my starting weight on here too, but my inches are gone.  I do know that I lost 4.5 inches this week.  But now I have to start over for next week.  Ugggghhhh!

I also came back to blogland tonight with a great little surprise!  I was given a blog award by none other than the fantastic Sinn @ Plus-Sized Pin Up.  Thank you sooooo much darlin'  I'm shocked!  I'm just giddy at the thought of having a little award to adorn my little starter blog.  So here it goes...

Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

The one thing I would have changed in my life is I would have tried harder in school.  During my childhood and early teens I sailed right through school with honor roll and awards for citizenship.

When I hit puberty...it was all about the boys, and friends, and the I'm too cool for school thing.  I slacked big time and tried just hard enough to barely pass my classes.  I never did homework, or projects, no after school sports.  It was all about parties, and boyfriends.  It wasn't until my last semester of my senior year in high school that I actually put some effort into my work.  Let's just say when I graduated, I wasn't at the top of my class.  The disappointing thing for me was that I knew I could have been if I had applied myself. That is something that haunts me to this day...

Now I'm supposed to pass this gem onto 6 other deserving bloggers.  I'm asking for some time on this one.  Since I am soooo new, I need time to scope these ones out.  I already have a few of you in mind.  So all in due time.

Thanks for listening to my daily rant...and thanks for the award!

Happy Weekend Everyone!

xoxo Natalie