Yesterday was an all time low point. So much so in fact that I burst into tears in front of a boat load of people at work. My outburst wasn't weight related (I'm not that narcissistic) but a combination of my being sick for 4 days, having a migraine, stressed about money, having a fat day, and getting a phone call from my mother right before work that she was rushed by ambulance to the ER yet again due to heart problems. Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like climbing under a rock and hiding for the rest of the year. Nothing could keep the tears back and it was like a flood gate had been opened ALL DAY LONG.
So now that I'm utterly embarrassed, I face the daunting task of interfacing with these people today, and avoiding their questions and concerned looks. Ughhhh... I should add that this has never happened to me before. I'm a bit ashamed that it had to happen at work. My friend is trying to assure me that it happens to everyone, and that I'm only human. I'm still humiliated.
Anyhoo...A friend suggested that I get on an anxiety medicine like xanex. I don't agree. It's not often that all of these things collide together at once.
I figure that the combination of self pity and stress is dragging me into a pit of despair and only I can drag my ass out. Things can always be worse and I need to remember this.
So I need to stop indulging in sweets and fatty foods. I was doing so well and slowly have been reintroducing the bad things back into my diet. I had stopped drinking soda, and now it's back. I had stopped drinking milk, now it's back. I was eating salad everyday, that has stopped. Today I need to stop all the bad habits, start exercising again, and just say NO!
This place can hold me accountable. I can jot down all of my thoughts and send it out into this huge void. Today is a new day.
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